12.18.2005

MISC: If you are dating a notoriously shy person

via Metafilter -- Here are some ideas to ease her up for a nice conversation

  • In the early stages it's better to compliment a woman on an item of her clothing than on her physical person...
    • Wear some "flair". Have a neat lighter or pen she can comment on to give her an free conversation topic. Make sure you have good stories to go with your flair. "I got this lighter from my grandfather before he went to the war blahblah"...
  • Make her issue your issue and talk to her about it. Say to her something like "You know I'm kind of shy and have a problem with opening up to new people. I wish I could change that."...
    • Not be the one talking most of the time. Listen to what she says respond honestly, but try to ask questions instead of making statements.If she says, "I like watching [your favorites sports team]", don't follow up with your impressive knowledge of the topic. Instead, ask simple, easy to answer questions, like "Did you see the game [whenever it was]?", "Do you see many games?", or something similar...
    • You want to escalate your conversation... You can start with small talk... but you need to escalate to personal topics. Find out what makes her tick... You want to build a deeper bond than "oh, I know what food he likes to eat". (She can trade facts with anyone.) The highest level of connection (and the best) you can make is discussion of your dreams and life and what makes you happy. You can't start talking about this stuff when you first meet, so that's what the small talk is for...
    • Tell her stories that reveal your weaknesses... A clever trick, often used by the ninetheenth-century French stateman Talleyrand, is to appear to open up to the other person, to share a secret with them. It can be completely made up, or it can be real but of no great importance to you - the important thing is that it should seem to come from the heart. This will usually elicit a response that is not only as frank as yours, but more genuine - a response that reveals a weakness"...
  • Touch her non-sexually. On the shoulder, elbow, etc. It might be awkward at first but don't act awkward when you do it. Just put your hand on her back or shoulder when you suggest you shuld change venues. Rub her shoulder when she's telling a sad story, etc....
  • Change venues. ... Every time you move form restaurant to bookstore to your apartment, you build comfort like you've known each other for a long time.
    • Bowling. No ... seriously. I used to be super shy and quiet on dates too, because small talk and just talking one on one made me anxious when I didn't know someone well. The best first date I ever had we went bowling (he was shy too), and even though we both sucked at the game, we ended up laughing and talking a lot more than we would have had we sat down in a restaurant or bar...
  • Be decisive. Don't supplicate. Don't ask "what do you want to do?" You're the man. Plan the date, show her a good time. If confidently act like things are going well, they are...

Category: C++ Quant > Random Walk

No comments:

Post a Comment