9.08.2005

Need a good laugh?

  • A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
  • I was getting into my car when I noticed a dent. On the windshield was a note and a phone number from the driver. "I feel terrible," the woman apologized when I called. "I hit your car as I was pulling into the next parking spot." "Please, don't worry," I said to her. "I'm sure our insurance companies will take care of everything." "Thank you for your understanding," she said. "You're so much nicer than the man I hit on the way out."
  • For the first time, my four-year-old daughter Kelsey was coming to my office to have me, a dental hygienist, clean her teeth. She was accompanied by her grandmother. When they came in, I greeted them warmly, seated Kelsey and, as usual, put on my gloves, goggles and mask. About ten minutes into the procedure, she got scared and cried, "I want my mommy!" I quickly pulled off my mask and said, "I am your mommy." Without hesitating, my daughter yelled back, "Then I want my granny!"
  • I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The triage nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight and 125 pounds." While the nurse pondered this information, my mother leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."

Category: C++ Quant > Random Walk

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